Healing Begins with Tenderness

We want to feel better. In fact, we want to feel amazing and free and enthused. Jazzed. Free. Whole. We want to drop the crap, to be safe and to feel sound. We want to heal. We want to heal for real. We want to heal for good.

Healing begins with tenderness.

I learned this recovering from my unplanned, deeply unwanted C-Section that left me with, what I deemed my ‘I was sawed in half by strange men because I’m a broken failure of a woman and I’m a selfish, moody bitch for feeling anything other than gratitude for the safe birth of my son’ scar. In my effort to heal, as quickly and perfectly as I possible, I found the beautiful self-care technique, Maya Abdominal Massage, that I faithfully performed every day I could (still do twice a week). I’d begin the passage called ‘digging for potatoes,’ and you bet I’d go rummaging around my guts for those potatoes, intensely kneading my belly, face clenched, determined to root up any lumps of scar tissue, and while I was at it, any buried trauma, denial, self-hatred, fear, etc., pummeling myself trying to erase a wound.

The day I caught myself ‘caring’ for my scar with vigorous self-bullying, I had to laugh at my misguided, ironic technique. We want to heal.  We want to repair the tear, wipe off, feel better, and move on with our life experience backpack fuller. But taking aim at our hurts (or at another person’s) with a closed fist doesn’t work. In fact, it makes things worse, reinforcing imbalance, magnifying faulty thinking, further inflaming swollen tissues, hardening the injury with more and more scar tissue.

Healing is transformation. It is change, movement, regeneration, and sometimes, resolution. This means that it won’t be like it was before. To begin to heal, the pain must be approached. And just as you would meet a new baby, the pain is best approached with presence, patience and gentleness.

The How To

(The order of these actions and attitudes is flexible. Trust you’ll know in each moment.)

Start Tender

Perhaps a soft touch or voice, a smile, listening very closely, waiting, expanding into something sharp or someplace dark. Deal with it (them, yourself, her, him) as though you’re holding an infant child, a new puppy or gorgeous budding flower in your hands. We’re all just finding our way in our bodies, in this world, in these hours.

Tenderness doesn’t negate the often called for discipline and/or Power, nor does it mean the path ahead will be cushy. It’s just the style best suited to the task.

Start with Love

Keep the word LOVE in mind and behind your eyes when you’re: helping, cleaning, paying, waiting, speaking, looking, listening, approaching difficult moments, running with the wind or feeling the walls closing in — when you feel overwhelmed, tired, mad, sad, afraid, enthralled, jealous, jilted, wronged, amped up, and oh so joyous. Everything will be different. You go first.


Remember to remember your breath. Breath is paramount. Simple, in and out, sometimes delicate, sometimes rolling and heaving, always moving.

Make it deep, make it quiet, make it continuous, make it feel good. Breath connects us with all Life. Let it take you there. Breath nourishes cells, brings what’s needed, takes what’s not, the wind from an open window blowing through a musty room, the waves in the ocean, the warmth that melts rock to lava.

Approaching pain (and fear, disappointment, anger, frustration, rage, grief, fill in the blank) tenderly won’t make you a weakling doormat loser. It will take you deeper and light you up. Starting from love will remind you of what you’re made of. And remembering to breathe will change everything.

When I realized my approach to healing was off and adopted my new mantra of tenderness, I discovered a deep well of magnetic love and resource. I came face to face with my darkest parts, the place where the Goddess’ shadow is cast in the light that illuminates the Treasures of Life and Death.

As Pema Chodron says, “…if you touch that soft spot, you find the vast blue sky.”

I still give great effort to my abdominal massage, breathing through the hard spots in my gut. But I do it with sweetness and trust, without an agenda or timeline. My scar represents one of the most important events of my life. It has been a tremendous teacher. It may never fade and may always feel kind of itchy. Maybe all of emotional energy swirling around in my abdomen will never completely unwind. Maybe it will.

Tender is the place to start — to approach the doorway to expansion and freedom from the hallway of the crappy situation. This is how the shitty, inconvenient, painful, unfair, horrific, grievous curves we’re thrown, which, by the way, everyone will have in some way or other, transform (sometimes eventually, sometimes only kind of) into beautiful lessons connecting us to our Brothers, Sisters and Spirit. And then we see how all of it is unfolding toward the Good.

Pay Off

I am anchored by activist Marianne Williamson’s epic sprit and famous words,

‘…as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.’

Last week I wrote about the fire getting going inside of me. AND the simple things I was committing to do about it. Because…

‘When you pray, move your feet’

-African Proverb



Longing to create, to share, to inspire and SIMULTANEOUSLY

Really bad/bored/lonely so bad that I had no choice but to



I wrote

I shared (BEFORE I felt ready, before it looked super polished, before too many edits)

I said Yes

I moved in straightforward, tuned in


Signed up for further education from folks who I am totally excited and inspired by

Cleaned out closet of almost everything

Kicked ‘I’m sorry’ out of my regular conversation/interaction



One person asked to subscribe! (Subscribe to what!!? We’re getting there. Stay tuned.)

One person shared what I wrote! The Fire throws sparks.

Two J-O-B offers (big time)

Multiple inquiries about my work

New client

Weird post-partum depression fog boredom GONE

Super charged in-loved with my Man

Better sex 😉

Feel all jeuged up

Longer spine, perkier boobs (looking the world in the eyes, heart opening)

Clearer yoga

Six different people commented on how great my skin looks. Chinese medicine posits that the pores are the Doors to Qi. Tiny action opened the gates for my Life Force to shine through…






Ideas coming fast


WOMEN all around inspiring and teaching me


Baby napping better (just kidding)

Do It

You know that place inside of you…maybe you’ve been ignoring it…feels a little out of your league, very vulnerable, so tantalizing, kind of risky, the seat of the Power. Yes, you DO belong there. GO there. Find out why, then…

Do what you want to do. Do it with love. Share the good and the bad.







I gave birth to my son six months ago. We’ve spent most of these last months (blessedly) together. It’s amazing! I’ve never felt love like this, he’s my heart embodied, I could stare at him all day, his every move delights me, etc. But sometime after the beginning of the new year, I realized I was sitting on the couch, watching TV, eating Snickers, trolling Facebook and mom-bitching to anyone who would listen. And, it was 10:00 am. And it was Everyday.

At first, I settled on, yup, welcome to motherhood. Might as well resign yourself to a low-level, constant feeling of annoyed resentment at wiping (and wearing) spit-up, folding tiny pants, endlessly loading and unloading the dishwasher, struggling to get wildly kicking feet out of poop and into socks, and dressing like a homeless yoga teacher.

Oh, not to mention isolation, marital tension and the constant drone of ‘you’re not doing this right/you’re screwing it up/something’s probably fundamentally wrong with you if you don’t feel fulfilled by this Mom business.’

This is what you wanted Girl. This is what you asked for. So suck it up. Because if you don’t, if you start questioning the greatest blessing of your life (but how can I quantify the blessings in my life…my man, my son, my health, my family, friends, my spiritual revelation so far, dance, sunlight, Spring blossoms, deep sleep, warm clothes, etc.) you’re a bad woman – a bad mamma.

Hold up! Wake up Girl! Look at this Boy’s eyes. Check out his delight in EVERYTHING around him. Check out the World’s delight in him. Astound in his energy, development and enthusiasm.  He is a tiny manifestation of Universal Love. AND he’s watching how you shine the same way you watch him. So…how are you shining?

How can I teach this little guy to dream big, act from love and joy and get after his birthright of deep fulfillment if I’m not dreaming big, acting from love and joy and GETTING AFTER MY BIRTHRIGHT of deep fulfillment!?

You know change is coming when not shining your light becomes more painful than the fear of letting it loose. So, time to get moving.

My mind is a brainstorm: wholeness, teaching, coaching, writing, business-building, Mamma-ness, food (as usual), healing, Woman, seeking light, dancing, connecting, Priestess, having fun, creating sacred space, JOY, shedding what is old, boring, stale, painful, annoying and dusty, inside and outside of me. Who cares who cares. It is time to act.


 ~the why nots~

i care what you think

If you don’t like me, don’t agree with me, don’t love me, talk about me, leave me, I feel shaken up, insecure, worried. I scramble to shore up your perception of Me with self-centered, un-authentic acts of manipulation, usually sweet and minor, sometimes rude and bold, never elegant. I don’t do what I am called to do, I play small, apologize and laugh nervously. You probably still don’t like me. And neither do I.

it’s all been done before

But not the way I’m going to do it.

someone else is better at it

But I’m starting. So I’m going to learn. How cool to be at the top of your game. How lonely to have no one to look up to. I’m rooting for all of us.

it might be awkward down the line
Probably the same way these throw back Hammer pants I’ve been rocking all month will. So what. They feel current, stylish and fun right now.

i don’t know what i’m doing

Neither does my infant son. That sure doesn’t stop him.

~the why HELL YESs~

G*D doesn’t F up

i have been packaged perfectly and inside of me [and you and you and you!] are gifts that need giving. IT IS TRAGIC/A WASTE/SELFISH to keep treasures locked up for a lifetime. Certainly someone will delight in them. Did I mention the packaging is perfect?

i want to…it FEELS GOOD

Writing this was fun, and when I saw my man afterwards, he was all ‘Baby, you look so good right now.’ Coincidence? Let’s just say, I am vibrating at a much higher level than I was last week on the couch alone with my Snickers.

it’ll just keep nagging…it’s a tug from the Divine

Looking my last post from over a year ago, just before I found out I was pregnant, I basically said the exact same thing. The same lessons will just keep coming until they’re learned (and I believe, if I don’t open myself up to learning them, they’ll end up making me sick).


Action is a must…maybe just something tiny that I do (or don’t do) today to allow myself to be pulled forward, to be stretched. For me, currently, this means:

  • Let LOVE set the tone
  • BREATHE all the time
  • Seek out women who inspire me
  • Pay attention to my INNER desires/loves/turn-ons
  • Speak with clarity and care
  • Ask for help with business building
  • WRITE content
  • Nourish and move my body
  • SHED and DITCH: everything that isn’t super functional, a true treasure or treat, doesn’t make me feel proud, sexy and ready to go

I’m not sure what I’m creating or what’s coming, but be on lookout (or don’t), because (much) more is coming from me.

What’s in the way of your light beam? Why not clear it right away? As always, I’m here to help. xox

The Traditional Wisdom of Bone Broth



Bone broth has wonderful health benefits and is simple and inexpensive to make. It provides holistic nourishment, using parts of an animal that otherwise might go to waste. Internationally used in traditional culture as a healing elixir, brewing broth warms the home, heart and tummy.

When properly prepared, bone broth is super nourishing. Soaking in vinegar and a long, slow simmer draws out the minerals from bone, cartilage, marrow and vegetables, bubbling into liquid gold that’s high in bio-available calcium, magnesium and potassium. A tremendous source of gelatin, broth is a great digestive aid, electrolyte replacement and helps assimilate protein. An important part of many healing protocols, broth is especially soothing to leaky gut syndrome.

Here’s the recipe we use, adapted from Sally Fallon’s NourishingTraditions. Variations can be made using bones of fish, duck, turkey, lamb and beef. We make a big batch and freeze the extra quarts to have on hand. Usually, we each drink at least a cup a day. When I got a little bit sick last month, I kicked the bug right away drinking bone broth every couple of hours. Experiment with different types of bones and veggies and whenever possible, use organic, pasture-raised ingredients.

Gather Your Bones

  • The bones from organic, pasture-raised animals are best. Organic bones are second best. The life force we draw from our food is only as powerful the life force used to raise, grow and feed what we eat. It is advisable to always avoid non-organic and factory farmed meat, which is full of hormones, chemicals, antibiotics, fear and sadness (which by the way, all inflame the digestive tract, which may be just what you need to heal!)
  • To find organic, pasture-raised food, shop at your local farmers’ market or through a community supported agriculture (CSA) farm program.
  • US Wellness Meats ships pasture-raised meat.
  • Save the carcass of the animals you roast in the freezer to have on hand for broth.
  • You can find great deals at the farmers’ market on chicken heads, feet, necks, backs and gizzards, all great for broth!

Gather Your Veggies

  • Remember to use organic whenever possible! Conventional produce may be covered in chemical pesticides and may be genetically modified.
  • We like lots of veggies for great flavor!
  • Get creative! Use what you have, experiment with new things to add depth of flavor.
  • Save the tops and bottoms of carrots and celery from weekly cooking and use those to bulk up the veggie load in your brew.

Gather Your Water

  • Filtered please! Tap water is full of chemicals and chlorine that irritate the gut.

Vinegar Bath

  • It’s important to soak the whole pot of bones and veggies in vinegar for 30-60 minutes before turning on the heat. The acidity draws out minerals from the bones and veggies to make your broth rich and nourishing.

2-4 lbs organic, pasture raised bones and parts*

3 chicken heads (optional)

3-6 chicken feet (optional)

3 chicken gizzards (optional)

4 quarts cold, filtered water

2 tablespoons vinegar

2 onions, chopped

4 carrots, chopped (no need to peel since it’s organic!)

6 celery stalks, chopped

1 fennel bulb, chopped (optional)

Salt, pepper and herbs to taste

1 clove of garlic, chopped

1 bunch parsley

5 gallon pot with strainer

*If you’re using raw beef bones, roasting them makes for dynamite flavor. Roast them in a pan at 350º for 25-30 minutes before beginning your broth.

Add all bones, parts and vegetables (except parsley and garlic) to your pot.

Fill pot with filtered water

Add salt, pepper and herbs

Add vinegar

Let sit for 30-60 minutes with no heat

Turn on heat and bring to boil

Remove scum that floats to the surface using a slotted spoon

Turn heat down and let simmer for 12-24 hours**

In the last 30 minutes of cooking add parsley and garlic

Strain veggies and bones from broth

Put broth in refrigerator until cool

Remove layer of fat that congeals at the top of the pot, save for cooking

Store extra broth in the freezer in Mason jars (keep the lid loose and don’t fill to the brim to avoid cracking)

**Simmer beef broth for 24-48 hours

 Benefits of Broth

Non-dairy source of bio-available calcium and magnesium

Digestive aid

Gelatin helps anemia

Supports bone health and connective tissue

Wonderful protein source and great if you don’t have the funds or appetite for meat

Healing, warming drink used as remedy all over the world

Thyroid support

A delicious snack

Mamas love it during labor

A great electrolyte supporter before or after yoga or workouts

Highly nutritious and delicious base for cooking

The next time you’re

in the market for broth, read the labels carefully. You’re probably going to find most broths available are made with sugar, natural flavors and other additives. 

A simple way to connect with your food