Love Up the Queen : Part 3 : The Queen Sets the Tone

The Queen Sets the Tone

We Queens (and Kings) are co-creators of our existence. Our thoughts, words, actions and attitudes inform the Universe and its beings how to communicate with us. When we let the Queen set the tone, we honor her wisdom. She is loved. She thrives. No room for misogyny here.

Do’s and Dont’s

  • Begin and end with thank you. All the time. No matter what. When we give thanks, especially for the tough times, we cultivate faith in our path. We naturally relax. Gratitude expressed opens the universal gates of abundance. Here lives the Goddess.
  • Don’t talk about your body.  Especially piece by piece.  Unless of course you’re praising her for all of her phenomenal abilities and her incomparable beauty. Body gossip turns the wheel of female objectification. Spare yourself…your Queen is listening. See Part 1 for more on this.
  • Don’t talk about her body.  Cut out ‘you look so thin!’ or ‘that top really shows off your arms,’ ‘you’re so lucky you have/don’t have boobs’ or ‘she’s so brave to show off her round figure like that.’ These BS niceties affirm programmed, commercialized standards of beauty, tightening the valves on the pressurized cage of outward gaze women endure every day, discounting our natural inner desire-driven flow. Likely, if you’re inspired to talk to a woman about her appearance, your brain is signaling that heart is drawn to hers. Strike up a conversation! Connect! Give genuine, holistic compliments. You are so beautiful! How are you? You’re glowing! I’m so happy to see you! What’s up?!
  • Ditch ‘I’m sorry.’  Beware the trendy habit of squirting this blanket diminishing phrase out, left and right,  not because of real wrong doing, but rather, for walking down the sidewalk at the same time as another human being, asking a question, misunderstanding, disagreeing, requesting – for a changed mind, an opinion stated, air breathed, the discomfort of another. Constant apologizing does not present as considerate, kind, demure and easy going, but masks/illuminates insecure fear, while laying a trip on the people around us.  ‘I’m sorry’ all the time deepens shame-filled, perma-wrong vibes. Never apologize for letting the Queen lead with deep presence and grace. Side note: sometimes ‘I’m sorry’ is a must. If you really mess up or hurt someone, apologize and quickly make it right as best as you can. Show more than you tell. Save it for the right time. ‘Excuse me’ and ‘Pardon’ work great in moments of infallible collision. 
  • Take impeccable care of yourself. First. Your self-care reflects in the universe. Though there’s no reason to wait for complete wholeness to help (complete wholeness is an illusion anyhow…we’re always transforming and we’re whole even when we’re broken), we cannot offer much to others unless we are well ourselves. What heals in you, heals in the world. 
  • Be clear. Be brief. Be yourself. There’s no need for the Queen to explain herself. Unless there’s a funny, life-affirming story involved. Brevity and clarity clear space for connection, action, joy. Yes, please. No, thank you. I’ll get back to you, thanks. I don’t like that. I love this. I love you. I want this. I can help you. I’m not available. Please stop. I’m finished. I’m leaving now. I’ll try this one. I’ll be there at 3:00. Can you help me please? 
  • Eyes up.  Attunes with the big picture, connects with people, expands awareness, relieves cell-phone/device addiction, increases potential. Eyes up reminds others of their light. Eyes up invites the Universe to delight you. It’s waiting to be noticed!
  • Boobs up. Opens the lungs and heart, improves posture and organ function, relaxes face and shoulders, protects natural spinal curvature, relays confidence and love, looks good.
  • Arms down. Relaxed arms (uncrossed, off the hips) opens and softens the heart, encourages trust in the Universe. Queen tone is wisely inviting. She’s got the goods to energetically protect herself without being standoffish or rude.

It’s been said in a thousand ways…the best place to change the world is inside of me. This has been a tough truth for me, one that I’m sure will keep reiterating itself as I g(r)o(w). And yet, it is so empowering. Cultivate the (loving, creative, fun, mysterious, educational, connecting, playful, safe, gorgeous, communal) world I long for in me, and I’ve got what I want. Queen Love. Inside of me. Wherever I go, whoever I’m with. Totally protected, totally contagious.

To be clear, the Queen’s tone is not Bitch Tone. It’s straightforward, thoughtful, clear, joyful and loving. It is guided by confidence in her deep, authentic desire.

You’re a real Queen for making it through a three part blog on ending misogyny! You’re a real Queen because you say you are. Amazing!

How has misogyny ended in you? We’d love to hear from you in the comments section. And of course, this Queen would be honored if you shared this with your Queen community.

And now, a little Truth from the one and only India Arie. 


Love Up the Queen : Part 2 : Listen Up


You’re all embodied in your Queen body. Universal wisdom pours out of your cells. You’re ready to receive. It’s time to listen up.

Pure feminine is in the shape of a bowl. Empty. The Queen receives and resounds, birthing and broadcasting messages of light.

Inspiration, transmission, muse…it all needs a way in. When we listen, closely, deeply, whole-heartedly, Truth comes through. Listening opens the channel.

The more space we create with silent presence, the more wisdom we attract, affluent streams of feminine power, creativity and love flowing freely through us.

Emptiness facilitates abundance. New moon turns to full moon.


I tell my man my heart. I talk to him about what’s going on and how I really feel about…most all of it. We’ve got it good like that. He is wise and so logically manly that, sometimes, he responds to my words (feelings) with advice, solutions, ideas.

Argggggg. This ticks me off soooooooooo much.

 Please! Just listen! I don’t want answers. I need a place to get this out, another being to witness All of Me. I want, I NEED to unearth my heart, to lay out its contents in fresh air sunlight and let it breathe. There is so much in here, rolling, waving, pulsing and emerging. Now and then, from time to time, please, just listen to my roar.

We’ve got it all worked out now (well, maybe not ALL of it). Now, when I’m immersed in that emotional potion of sad and mad, afraid and bereaved, I can tell him, look at him and he says, ‘Come here Love. I can hold you while you cry.’ He holds me and listens, making a bowl for the universe of emotion coming out of me.

And then? And then it changes and sobs make way for the cosmic laugh and we feel present, grateful and well. Solutions hang like ripe fruit, problems and pain evaporate.

I highly recommend a man like my man…so manly in is feminine ways.

Yes. Please. Thank you.


If I crave this space holder, this bowl shaped presence of warm arms and open heart so badly, so must the Queen inside of me. So must my Queen friends, so must my Queen man. If she’s ignored or talked over or peppered with solutions, I understand that she feels P I S S E D…even, dare I say, rageful. (Hell hath no fury…)

Talk about hating on the Queen. Damned up with answers, opinion and commentary for long enough, her hot, wild, infinite flow is blocked and stifled, corrodes and pressurizes. It distorts. It implodes. It explodes. Conditioned to fear her feeling-shaped Truth, she hesitates to share it and experiences the depression of stifled self-expression, unrealized dreams and disregarded wisdom. Meanwhile, her family, her community, her universe are starved of her vital, unique message.

Woman, can you relate?

The Queen is inside of all of us, part of this lifetime’s package, full of grace, love and wisdom. She is with everyone we encounter, with our ancestors, family, friends, bosses, colleagues, teachers, strangers and guides.

The Queen is always resourcing for us. She brings what we need, fulfilling desires, answering prayers, showing us the way…if we listen.

She’s got a lot to unpack. She needs a place to shake it out, air it out, to unwind, unravel, decompress, and integrate. She needs a room of her own, warm and quiet. She needs the place of listening.


Listen to the Queen inside of you (Woman, please, please meditate!) and to all of the Queens in your life. Her wisdom comes in feelings.

  • Ground yourself with the Earth – feet flat, spine tall, eyes up, chest lifted
  • Open your heart – in all ways
  • Breathe – deeply, slowly
  • Be quiet – Be quiet – Be quiet
  • Let go of what you think, want, expect, believe, fear
  • Feel your feelings – Take nothing personally
  • Be quiet – Keep quiet
  • Let the lava heart flow
  • Jam with the Infinite Wisdom
  • Watch it all transform

Practice listening and she’ll speak to you all of the time in all places – you’ll hear her in the tree rustle, the kettle whistle, on the radio and in the shower. As you widen your receiver, messages of love, hope, reassurance, guidance, jokes and fables, will arrive in your heart every day. All day long. Practice listening and dissolve the illusion of separation; your wisdom is the Queen’s wisdom is The Wisdom.

Listening is heart work. Drop down down down from your mind. Thoughts will come and come and come and come. Your phenomenal psychic powers and perfectly relatable experience will herald answers, ways out and feedback. Don’t rush to relate. The awkward silences of Listening make the tinder for collaborative, creative spark and unspeakable connection.

Sometimes moving your body facilitates listening. Feel your way through each situation to gauge how wild and weird you can get. If you’re in a work meeting, toe spirals may be the limit. Full body undulations may be in order in the presence of your fellow Priestesses. When we move, we set in motion old blocks of stored emotion that interfere with our receiver.


Listen to honor. Listen to love.  Listen to hear the universal wisdom contained in your Queen and her Queen and his Queen.

Give the Queen space. Become the empty bowl and fill up with love, grace and wisdom. Breathe to integrate it with your version of the story and to create new flavors of Truth that can ripple out to more and more Beings. Beware of energetic sediment dumps that come with taking it personally. Use your breath and feminine forces to move, transform, and re-sound what you hear, what you hold.

There is a time for feedback, to bounce something off of each other. Be present, tune in, and you’ll have the clarity to know when to speak up, how to act, what to say.

Actively disengage from misogyny, from the suppression of feminine power and wisdom. Open up as a receiver, invite in the hysterical, messy, shape shifting flow (She isn’t linear) that happens when we listen to ourselves and to each other. Pay close, special attention to children and elders.

Listening makes room, creates a flexible container for inspiration to give birth. Listening taps the mystery of creation where nothing need be said or done, simple Being facilitates transformation.

Listen up for the Queen. She is there. She is here. She is you.


What great listening tools do you use? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below. And always, I’d be honored if you share this with your people. 


Love Up the Queen: The End of Misogyny in Me, Part 1


Misogyny: hating on the Queen.

The Queen embodies the Divine Feminine.

She is Goddess, Mythic, Power, Channel, Emoter, Helper, Creator, Sustainer, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Wife, Friend, Mover, Lover.

By birthright, the Queen is sovereign and empowered to joyfully serve.

Woman, you are the Queen.

Hating on someone discounts their message and overlooks their power. Haters might be rude, dismissive, cruel or violent.

Woman, don’t be a Hater.

We can hiss at men and society for perpetuating misogyny. We can rage against the system keeping us down and holding us back, cry out against violence and rape. We can point out media objectification of women, and hustle to close the pay gap.


Woman, we are wise and we understand that things are the way they are because of the way that we are.

To change things, we must change ourselves.

Cultural disruptions begins with personal revolution. 


A few weeks after giving birth, I was ragging on my body to my husband as I nursed our son.

I spawned a human being, labored for three days, endured major surgery, and provided all of his sustenance since. All brought to you by my body.

Consequently, I weigh more than I used to and had to buy bigger pants.

Things are, overall, softer.

Some part of me felt obligated to complain and worry about this.

My man listened to my gripe then pointed to our son and lovingly said, ‘he’s listening.’

I looked at my baby. Yes, he was listening. In that pure, open, receptive, I’m here to learn, please teach me the ways of this world, baby kind of way. He was listening to me. And he was hearing Queen Hate – straight from his mother’s mouth.

I’m not a hateful person, but I look at this way. If I’m not busy living, I’m busy dying. If I’m not busy loving, I’m busy hating. And once I started paying attention, a lot of my thoughts and actions about and towards myself, and other women, showed their non-loving colors.

I’ve been dismissive and disrespectful of the Queenliest parts of myself. I’ve hated on my body, moods, desires, intuitions, passions, creativity and unique traits, slicing at the center of my femininity.

So, I found misogyny. Right here. In me.

No more.

I’m on a mission to initiate my son into a world where women are respected and adored, supported and treasured, a world where women are relied on for their inherent wisdom, strength, and creativity.

I’m on a mission to initiate myself to this world.

Woman, I hope you’ll join me. I hope you’ll love up your Queen to heal wounds, reimagine embedded ideas of beauty, embody joy and set off a love spiral around Mother Earth.

I hope you’ll love up the Queen to feel energized and vibrant, to be healthier, happier and more useful.


Strategy #1: Inhabit Your Skin + Bones

Embody Your Queen Body to feel empowered, sensual and sovereign.

The Queen lives in your body. Her sacred knowledge is a part of your cellular makeup. Embodied exploration of life honors the Queen and connects you to your inner wisdom.

Live in your body more than you look at her from outside.

Inhabit your body to create in ways that you love and that feel good to you.

The more time you spend inhabiting and experiencing, the less time you’ll have to externally judge her.

We’ve been handed down images of the female body since pre-historic times. Back in the day these images regaled and worshipped the feminine for her essential life giving power.

These days mainstream feminine image bombards, objectifies and sells. Years spent engaging with mass-market rules of beauty 24/7, and it’s no wonder so many women are at once obsessed with, disconnected from and spiteful toward their Life Force of a body.

All this time spent on the outside critically looking in – or rather, at our three-dimensional image, and we neglect the multi-dimensional treasure of experiencing the world from the truly unique vantage point of our body.

Embodiment naturally erodes cultural norms about how we ‘should’ look, act or feel and attunes us with biological wisdom and pleasure.


I have always been a dancer. I love to dance. Dance brings me pure joy, connection and power. Dance belongs to me.

Somewhere in my teen years, dance became an ego game, a venue for my insecurities and insatiable need to be approved of to play out. I became totally obsessed with what I looked like and how I was perceived.

As a bootylicious, low-to-the-ground shorty, it took a lot of effort to try to conform to the willowy girl world of ballet. I ALWAYS felt bad about myself, about my body and like I was a terrible dancer. Dancing became more about how I looked rather than about how I felt.

All the joy was gone. So, eventually, I quit.

Years later, when I was ready to dance again (alone, in my kitchen), I felt tame and withdrawn.

It took practice and dedication to be free, be myself, to move consciously and instinctually and solely for the sake of experiencing pleasure.

And now…I dance all the time. I dance alone, with my husband, with my son, with my friends. I always dance like no one is watching and usually, no one is.

But the Queen inside of me and she is watching.

The Queen is on the inside feeling out. She watches and experiences the world, swirling and waving as she fills my whole body and being, relishing the landscape of attuned time and space from behind my eyes. She is honored, strong, alive and she loves it.


Find your way in.        

Think back to what you loved doing as a child. Try doing those things now. You may need a little practice, but you know what to do.

Meditate on your current physical life.

What are you doing with your body? What are you making with your body?

Why are you doing what you’re doing with your body?

How does it feel inside of your body?

Does it feel good and bring you health and pleasure? If not, why are you doing it?

Are you atrophying? Are your nerves frayed?

Pain and discomfort are signals from your body, from the Queen, that something is not quite right in your life. It is up to you to listen and act.

For many, disembodiment is defense against old trauma and heartbreak. If you need help with your entry, we can help you.

Ignore her cues and she’ll bring the fire, tsunami and the earthquake. The Queen will be heard.

Attend to the Queen and forge a deep bond of trust that will support your every move, guide and protect you. Show her the world through your eyes and connect to infinite waves of sensual bliss. She’ll repay you in dividends of healing energy and channels of abundance.

What do you long to do in and with your body? Do that.

Experiment with different embodiment entry points.

Ask your Queen, would you like to…

Relax, Dance, Kiss, Sing, Garden, Draw, Eat, Listen, Yoga, Meditate, Spend Time with Nature, Make Love, Run, Swim, Swing, Laugh, Hang, Birth, Invert, Smile, Look Up, Stretch, Breathe, Look in Someone’s Eyes

Feel your breath lull you to sleep, feel the pulse of your blood and the rapid fire of your neurons. Feel the space between my heart and yours. Feel your DNA expressing. Feel your imagination pulsing. Feel the love.

Keep it easy, keep it light, laugh and have fun. Relax and connect with your pleasure.

The Queen lives in your body and she is wise. Dive in, pay your respects and unlock the library of universal wisdom and guidance, the flow of creative force that you were born with.

You feel. You know.

So busy dancing, no time left for hating.

Queen, we need you.